I have been doing so well since my chemo started and I think I believed that it wouldn't slow me down a bit. Well, I'm here to tell you that I am NOT super woman. I really overdid it on Friday running errands, cleaning house, doing a digital workshop for scrapbooking and getting ready for our trip and it took me a day and a half to recover!
I slept most of the way to Flagstaff on Saturday, it was very cloudy, rainy and unseasonably cold... it seemed like a very long trip, I didn't knit or read in the car, and was sound asleep in the hotel room before 8 pm, all of which is very out of character for me. I didn't exactly have a restful night's sleep, I was awake about every 90 minutes, not sure why,,, I wasn't exactly sick, just felt very weird and achy, had this terrible taste in my mouth and couldn't stay asleep, but didn't have enough energy to hold my head up.
We had a picnic of fruit, cheese and pretzels in our bed at 2 am, because until then I didn't feel like eating, things are starting to taste very strange.
I could barely get myself out of bed the next morning... I finally came out of the fog and was sort of back to normal around 10 o'clock Sunday morning.
We drove down to Sedona and had a wonderful day taking in all the breathtaking scenery. We found this charming European Deli and I had Borscht for the first time,(beets are supposed to be really good for cancer patients), it was yummy! We hiked a little, but not as much as I had hoped, Bill is being extremely protective, he wasn't about to let me overdo it again and he was especially concerned about me injuring myself when my immunity is down.
I feel back to normal today, but I will definitely have to learn to pace myself. Hope this wasn't too boring but I'm trying to document as much as I can about this journey. The crazy thing that happened was I lost a contact lens, not sure when or how.. all of a sudden it just wasn't there.
My "Hug" for today is: "Sometimes the future seems bright... and sometimes it doesn't. Yet even when we cannot see the possibilities of tomorrow, God can. Our challenge, then, is to trust an uncertain future to an all-powerful God.
When we trust God, we should trust Him without reservation. We should steel ourselves against the various disappointments of the day, secure in the knowledge that our heavenly Father has a plan for the future that only He can see but that is for our good."
We got home safe and sound... Thank You Lord!!!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Day after 1st Chemo
I went to work this morning and felt great, actually very energized! I love my job and actually got some stuff done today, seemed to be able to focus a little better than I have been.
Had a 1 o'clock appointment for the day after chemo flushing process. This is to clean some of the toxins out of your kidneys, rehydrate you and I also had a shot to build up my white cells (ouch, it stung) but it's worth it! It was also a bit of a challenge when they pulled the VERY large needle out of my port, it had been in for over 24 hours so it was pretty well attached.
I'm feeling very well cared for and supported by all, I'm sure my success in this whole process will be due to all of you more than anything I do. I am trying to eat very health things... not counting the chocolate they give me at the chemo lounge! So far no side effects, although I was informed that I may wake up tomorrow feeling like I'm coming down with the flu... from the shot, it has a tendency to make your bones achy. I have my learn and play storytime tomorrow and I fully intend to be there, then I have off until next Tuesday. Bill is taking me to Sedona for a 3 day respite and some sight seeing. I can't wait!
This morning in my Hugs devotional it talked about finding time to praise God and thanking Him for all He has done. Every time you notice a gift from the Giver of good things, praise Him. His works are marvelous! His gifts are bountiful, and His love endures forever... I am living proof of all these things!
I will close with this beautiful quote from Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, who along with her husband were missionaries in Japan and China from 1901 to 1917.
"Two wings are necessary to lift our souls toward God: prayer and praise.
Prayer asks. Praise accepts the answer."
May I always do this no matter what the circumstances.
Blessings,
Sue
Had a 1 o'clock appointment for the day after chemo flushing process. This is to clean some of the toxins out of your kidneys, rehydrate you and I also had a shot to build up my white cells (ouch, it stung) but it's worth it! It was also a bit of a challenge when they pulled the VERY large needle out of my port, it had been in for over 24 hours so it was pretty well attached.
I'm feeling very well cared for and supported by all, I'm sure my success in this whole process will be due to all of you more than anything I do. I am trying to eat very health things... not counting the chocolate they give me at the chemo lounge! So far no side effects, although I was informed that I may wake up tomorrow feeling like I'm coming down with the flu... from the shot, it has a tendency to make your bones achy. I have my learn and play storytime tomorrow and I fully intend to be there, then I have off until next Tuesday. Bill is taking me to Sedona for a 3 day respite and some sight seeing. I can't wait!
This morning in my Hugs devotional it talked about finding time to praise God and thanking Him for all He has done. Every time you notice a gift from the Giver of good things, praise Him. His works are marvelous! His gifts are bountiful, and His love endures forever... I am living proof of all these things!
I will close with this beautiful quote from Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, who along with her husband were missionaries in Japan and China from 1901 to 1917.
"Two wings are necessary to lift our souls toward God: prayer and praise.
Prayer asks. Praise accepts the answer."
May I always do this no matter what the circumstances.
Blessings,
Sue
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
After 1st Chemo
Just wanted to let you know I feel great! I'm going to go to bed early and try to be wise about getting enough rest etc., hoping to go to work tomorrow morning.
Concerning today when I arrived for my appointment, first a checkup with my wonderful oncologist Dr. Ann Wierman, (she always thoroughly looks me over at every visit) then she answered all my questions (she is always so patient and so informative about everything I ask). She also always slips in a few plugs for exercise, proper rest, staying hydrated etc.... then they put the VERY large needle in my port... it didn't hurt much, they gave me a anti nausea medication first and waited 30 minutes and then started the chemo.
I was busy knitting the whole time... well actually at the very end I took a little nap, guess that shows how relaxed I was! The hardest part for me was sitting still that long. It went really well and tomorrow I'll be back for them to flush out my kidneys, rehydrate me, and I'll also get a shot to build up my white cells. The nurse told me that Dr. Wierman is the only Dr. she knows of that does this day after chemo flushing process, it really helps you not get sick.
They gave me 5 prescriptions, I was shocked... so much medicine for someone who only takes vitamins and herbal supplements. Only 2 of them are mandatory and the other 3 are in case I need them for nausea, I guess different people do better on different meds for the nausea and she wants me to have them all on hand to try them all if and/or when needed to see what works best for me.
Dr. Wierman doesn't see any reason why you should be sick during chemo, she also gave me a prescription for a wig and I already had a referral from Jane at the Breast Center to see Vicky Roney at Liaisons Salon & Spa right after my chemo. Vicky was so helpful, she helped me try on several wigs and we narrowed it down to basically 2 styles that she'll order in my color for the final decision.
She explained so much to me about how my hair loss was going to happen, etc. She set my next appointment for when my hair will most likely be ready to start falling out and she will shave my head so I don't have to go around looking like I'm half way scalped and I won't have to go through the emotional trauma of watching it gradually happen. I'll just get a shave and put my new "styled just for me wig" on and walk out looking better than when I walked in! Isn't that great!
When I got home my "prince charming" was anxiously waiting to see how I was doing. I think he was a bit amazed by how well I felt and that I wanted to eat dinner, not sure how long my appetite will last so I thought I'd better take advantage of it while I could.
I'll report more tomorrow after my flushing procedure. That should go pretty quick as they left the needle in my port to save me a stick and they will remove it after tomorrow's treatment. Pray I don't roll over on the needle in my sleep, they assured me if I did I'd wake up!
Concerning today when I arrived for my appointment, first a checkup with my wonderful oncologist Dr. Ann Wierman, (she always thoroughly looks me over at every visit) then she answered all my questions (she is always so patient and so informative about everything I ask). She also always slips in a few plugs for exercise, proper rest, staying hydrated etc.... then they put the VERY large needle in my port... it didn't hurt much, they gave me a anti nausea medication first and waited 30 minutes and then started the chemo.
I was busy knitting the whole time... well actually at the very end I took a little nap, guess that shows how relaxed I was! The hardest part for me was sitting still that long. It went really well and tomorrow I'll be back for them to flush out my kidneys, rehydrate me, and I'll also get a shot to build up my white cells. The nurse told me that Dr. Wierman is the only Dr. she knows of that does this day after chemo flushing process, it really helps you not get sick.
They gave me 5 prescriptions, I was shocked... so much medicine for someone who only takes vitamins and herbal supplements. Only 2 of them are mandatory and the other 3 are in case I need them for nausea, I guess different people do better on different meds for the nausea and she wants me to have them all on hand to try them all if and/or when needed to see what works best for me.
Dr. Wierman doesn't see any reason why you should be sick during chemo, she also gave me a prescription for a wig and I already had a referral from Jane at the Breast Center to see Vicky Roney at Liaisons Salon & Spa right after my chemo. Vicky was so helpful, she helped me try on several wigs and we narrowed it down to basically 2 styles that she'll order in my color for the final decision.
She explained so much to me about how my hair loss was going to happen, etc. She set my next appointment for when my hair will most likely be ready to start falling out and she will shave my head so I don't have to go around looking like I'm half way scalped and I won't have to go through the emotional trauma of watching it gradually happen. I'll just get a shave and put my new "styled just for me wig" on and walk out looking better than when I walked in! Isn't that great!
When I got home my "prince charming" was anxiously waiting to see how I was doing. I think he was a bit amazed by how well I felt and that I wanted to eat dinner, not sure how long my appetite will last so I thought I'd better take advantage of it while I could.
I'll report more tomorrow after my flushing procedure. That should go pretty quick as they left the needle in my port to save me a stick and they will remove it after tomorrow's treatment. Pray I don't roll over on the needle in my sleep, they assured me if I did I'd wake up!
First Chemo
I got a good night's sleep and woke up this morning feeling great. I'm very optimistic about my chemo and after I read my 2 devotionals this morning I'm feeling even more so.
In "Hugs" I read "Are you willing to keep fighting the good fight even when you meet with difficulties? If you'll decide to press on through temporary setbacks, you may be pleasantly surprised at the creative ways God finds to help you."
In "Our Daily Bread" the devotional today was written by Joe Stowell one of my favorite writers and he always touches my heart... "If we trust earthly doctors to help us, how much more should we be willing to trust God, the Great Physician, to reset our broken lives "to be conformed to the image of His Son" Rom. 8:29. One of God's purposes in pain is to brand the image of Jesus in our hearts. Can we weep with those who weep? God may stain our cheeks with our own tears so that we can genuinely empathize with others as Jesus did. Are we self-sufficient? God may need to strip away our security to conform us to the God-sufficiency that Christ displayed. Are we faithless? It may require a tragedy to teach us to trust the Father as Jesus did. Life's fractures can be mended by faith in Christ the Lord.
As first the pain but then the gain
And usefulness restored - Hess
God's purpose in pain is to brand His image in our hearts. So in that frame of mind I go today to my first treatment, I'm not going alone!
In "Hugs" I read "Are you willing to keep fighting the good fight even when you meet with difficulties? If you'll decide to press on through temporary setbacks, you may be pleasantly surprised at the creative ways God finds to help you."
In "Our Daily Bread" the devotional today was written by Joe Stowell one of my favorite writers and he always touches my heart... "If we trust earthly doctors to help us, how much more should we be willing to trust God, the Great Physician, to reset our broken lives "to be conformed to the image of His Son" Rom. 8:29. One of God's purposes in pain is to brand the image of Jesus in our hearts. Can we weep with those who weep? God may stain our cheeks with our own tears so that we can genuinely empathize with others as Jesus did. Are we self-sufficient? God may need to strip away our security to conform us to the God-sufficiency that Christ displayed. Are we faithless? It may require a tragedy to teach us to trust the Father as Jesus did. Life's fractures can be mended by faith in Christ the Lord.
As first the pain but then the gain
And usefulness restored - Hess
God's purpose in pain is to brand His image in our hearts. So in that frame of mind I go today to my first treatment, I'm not going alone!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Port installed and ready
This morning some dear friends, Bud and Joan Carroll took me to have my port installed for my chemo treatments that will start on Tuesday, I kept wondering why I couldn't do this by myself (because I didn't know they were going to knock me out for this procedure), so I was very glad to have a ride. They gave me "twilight" and it is wonderful, you wake up very alert and feeling great. I didn't feel a thing and even now about 8 hours later I have no pain, I do have one whopper of a bruise... but it doesn't hurt. I'm supposed to keep ice on it and keep my arm up, which obviously I'm not doing at the moment.
I promise I'll do it as soon as I send this. God continues to speak to me and give me His peace throughout this process. My devotional reading this morning from the book "Hugs" that my sister Kathy sent me was so perfect and just what I needed to hear before going for this kind of scary procedure... I hope it blesses you too.
God's Will for You
As human beings with limited understanding we can never fully comprehend the will of God. But as believers in a benevolent God, we must always trust the will of our heavenly Father. Before His crucifixion, Jesus went to the Mount of Olives and poured out His heart to God (see Luke 22:41-44). Jesus knew that He was about to suffer agony and death, but He also know that God's will must be done. In our own lives, we will face trials that bring fear and trembling to the very depths of our souls. But like Jesus we too, must seek God's will, not our own. Today, seek God's will for your life, and trust His promises. When you do, you will be blessed today, tomorrow, for every day of your life... and for eternity.
Life isn't life without some divine decisions that our mortal minds simply cannot comprehend. Beth Moore
I promise I'll do it as soon as I send this. God continues to speak to me and give me His peace throughout this process. My devotional reading this morning from the book "Hugs" that my sister Kathy sent me was so perfect and just what I needed to hear before going for this kind of scary procedure... I hope it blesses you too.
God's Will for You
As human beings with limited understanding we can never fully comprehend the will of God. But as believers in a benevolent God, we must always trust the will of our heavenly Father. Before His crucifixion, Jesus went to the Mount of Olives and poured out His heart to God (see Luke 22:41-44). Jesus knew that He was about to suffer agony and death, but He also know that God's will must be done. In our own lives, we will face trials that bring fear and trembling to the very depths of our souls. But like Jesus we too, must seek God's will, not our own. Today, seek God's will for your life, and trust His promises. When you do, you will be blessed today, tomorrow, for every day of your life... and for eternity.
Life isn't life without some divine decisions that our mortal minds simply cannot comprehend. Beth Moore
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
God's decision
I know that some of you are very concerned about the subject of my chemotherapy but God has decided that I need it. I feel at peace with God's decision and will start my 4 rounds of chemo next Tuesday.
Each round will be followed the next day by a flushing of the chemo from my system. I have never heard of this before but this is the way that my oncologist does it. I will probably lose my hair around the third treatment, so I may be wig shopping soon.
Dr. Weirman, my oncologist tells me that she will do everything possible to keep me as healthy as possible throughout the process. She held my hands, looked into my eyes and told me that she would do the same treatment for anyone in her family... including herself, I trust her and thank God that He directed me to her. She wants me to walk everyday, drink lots of water, eat right and get plenty of rest at night, she believes I should be able to keep up with my normal routine and hopefully not miss much work.
Dr. Weirman is now on my insurance... Praise God!
My cancer was quite aggressive and I really don't want to tangle with it again if I can avoid it. On Friday I will have a port installed so that I don't have to be poked with needles at each of my treatments, it is usually very hard for anyone to find a vein on me without several tries and that is very painful.
When my chemo is done I will have about a month break and my radiation will begin. I appreciate all the prayers and support you have given me thus far. Please keep me in your prayers throughout this process.
Each round will be followed the next day by a flushing of the chemo from my system. I have never heard of this before but this is the way that my oncologist does it. I will probably lose my hair around the third treatment, so I may be wig shopping soon.
Dr. Weirman, my oncologist tells me that she will do everything possible to keep me as healthy as possible throughout the process. She held my hands, looked into my eyes and told me that she would do the same treatment for anyone in her family... including herself, I trust her and thank God that He directed me to her. She wants me to walk everyday, drink lots of water, eat right and get plenty of rest at night, she believes I should be able to keep up with my normal routine and hopefully not miss much work.
Dr. Weirman is now on my insurance... Praise God!
My cancer was quite aggressive and I really don't want to tangle with it again if I can avoid it. On Friday I will have a port installed so that I don't have to be poked with needles at each of my treatments, it is usually very hard for anyone to find a vein on me without several tries and that is very painful.
When my chemo is done I will have about a month break and my radiation will begin. I appreciate all the prayers and support you have given me thus far. Please keep me in your prayers throughout this process.
Chemo or Not?
I find out today whether or not I will have to have any chemo treatments.
I have put it in God's hands after much struggle to do it my way, He has taken care of me through all of this and I have no reason to think He will stop now, He sees the bigger picture and I have to trust in Him. This is way too big of a decision to try to make myself.
If I'm in the high risk percentage for my cancer reoccurring I will automatically need chemo, if I'm in the very low percentage I will just have radiation and the pill Femera for 5 years.
It's if I'm in the in between percentage that is questionable... then the tailoRX study that I'm enrolled in will assign me for chemo or not by random.
I know that nothing is random when you put it in God's hands. I feel totally at peace now that I've put the outcome with God.
I will be letting you all know later today what He has decided.
I have put it in God's hands after much struggle to do it my way, He has taken care of me through all of this and I have no reason to think He will stop now, He sees the bigger picture and I have to trust in Him. This is way too big of a decision to try to make myself.
If I'm in the high risk percentage for my cancer reoccurring I will automatically need chemo, if I'm in the very low percentage I will just have radiation and the pill Femera for 5 years.
It's if I'm in the in between percentage that is questionable... then the tailoRX study that I'm enrolled in will assign me for chemo or not by random.
I know that nothing is random when you put it in God's hands. I feel totally at peace now that I've put the outcome with God.
I will be letting you all know later today what He has decided.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
My first race for the cure
We just returned from the walk, and I'm sitting down not only to write to all of you but because I'm too tired to stand up!
This was our first time participating in the Race for the Cure and the funny part is that when we originally registered I had no idea that I would be walking as a survivor!!
I proudly wore my PINK shirt and hat, they even gave me a pink pom-pom to wave. You could either do a 1 mile fun walk or the 5K walk/run, but if you add in the walk from where we parked and all the wandering around to find where we needed to be it was probably twice that far.
We toured the incredible mammovan from Nevada Health Centers, (this is where Bill works) it has the latest equipment for doing digital mammograms and it travels all over the state, even to the most remove areas to give women access to free or if they are able to pay very affordable mammograms.
This was a fun and inspiring experience, if you've never participated in a race for the cure walk/run, you should try it at your earliest convenience.
Now I'm going to take a nap
This was our first time participating in the Race for the Cure and the funny part is that when we originally registered I had no idea that I would be walking as a survivor!!
I proudly wore my PINK shirt and hat, they even gave me a pink pom-pom to wave. You could either do a 1 mile fun walk or the 5K walk/run, but if you add in the walk from where we parked and all the wandering around to find where we needed to be it was probably twice that far.
We toured the incredible mammovan from Nevada Health Centers, (this is where Bill works) it has the latest equipment for doing digital mammograms and it travels all over the state, even to the most remove areas to give women access to free or if they are able to pay very affordable mammograms.
This was a fun and inspiring experience, if you've never participated in a race for the cure walk/run, you should try it at your earliest convenience.
Now I'm going to take a nap
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