the last chapter

I finally had my port removed today after a long saga of delays and mix ups. Pictures above show the top and bottom sides of the port, I kept it for a souvenir. Now the rest of the story....

• First my Dr.'s office didn't think that Steinberg was a provider for my new insurance. So I was in the dilemma of having a port that was put in by Steinberg and having no one who wanted to remove a port that they didn't install.
  

• Then my surgeon said he would do it, however he was booked up for at least a month, I made the soonest appt. I could with him.

• Then they had to change it a couple of times because he had more urgent cases to attend to. I certainly understood that, but I still had this silly port and I really wanted to be done with it.

• I called my new insurance and asked them what could be done to facilitate having this port removed. They told me that Steinberg was a provider with them and helped me get an appt. for today.

• I was instructed to stop taking the Cumaden 5 days before the surgery, I was also instructed to get my blood work done the Friday before the surgery. So I dutifully did what I was told.

• When I went for my blood work they didn't have the order from the Dr. that was supposed to have been called in several days before. So I waited 1 hour while they contacted the Dr. and had it FAX'ed over.
  

• When it was finally my turn to see the nurse I asked "just what are they drawing blood for?" I was told to see if the effects of the Cumaden had worn off, I said that would be pretty amazing since I had taken my last pill the night before.

• I went on Tuesday to get my blood drawn and expected to not have to wait since I was told that being a STAT order they would take me right in. NOT!!t So I waited about 45 minutes

• Steinberg's called me Tuesday afternoon to tell me they had the results and the surgery was a go, but could I please come in a couple of hours earlier than originally scheduled. At this point I would have come at midnight to get this done!

• When I got to Steinberg's they didn't have my new insurance info even though I FAX'ed it over to them days ago.

• The order they had from my Dr. said to remove the "chest" port, small problem my port is in my arm!

• So I waited again while they contacted the Dr. and got a new order to have it removed from the right location.
  

• The port was removed successfully other than an inordinate amount of bleeding, they couldn't get it to stop so they could stitch me up but they finally did and I was able to go home "portless"!!

Oh, and just in case you think I was embellishing this whole tale, this was the shortened version!!

Now my life is all about the retreat that I'm doing with the women of my church, spending time with my family and friends and getting back to normal at work, much more important causes than all the medical nonsense above!

Blessings to All,
Sue

The Results are in!!

Dear Family and Friends,

I finally got the results of my CT scan today and I am cancer free!! The Dr. was very pleased with my over all condition, except for a few extra pounds that she said I must shed. She gave me the order to have my port removed... YEAH!!! I think that is what I needed to hear to believe that this journey is really coming to an end. The soonest I could get into the surgeon for that to happen is the end of this month. Praise God for healing me!!

Dr. Wierman is very tricky, she asked me to raise my legs 12 inches and lower them slowly... while I was laying on the examination table, so naturally I did what she asked. She then told me that since I can do it I need to do it at least 30 times each day!! Along with changing my diet and walking each day.

Since my insurance wouldn't approve a PET scan which is what Dr. Wierman really wanted me to have, she is having me come back for another CT scan in 3 months, she will probably be watching me very closely for the first year.

I feel really good and have most of my energy back. I'm not nearly as scatterbrained as I was during the chemo, although I still have my moments. My memory has greatly improved, in my learn and play class I have 15 little ones and I knew all their names by the second class.

I still don't have enough hair to go wig less, but it's getting there. It seems to be coming in fairly thick, but it sure is growing slow! It is definitely white in the front with some salt and pepper shades on the sides and back. I'm still hoping for some curls but it doesn't look that way so far.

I'm busy at work and when not at work I'm getting ready for the ladies retreat for our church, so all in all things are pretty much back to normal.

Blessings to all who prayed diligently for me through this entire time, I couldn't have done this without the support you have given me. Sue

The thrill of wearing deodorant!!

WOW, I can't believe so much time has gone by since I last blogged! When we got back from our trip I had to hit the ground running at my job. I'm doing the Learn and Play storytimes for little ones (6 months to 3 years) and I have 15 signed up this time!

The trip was wonderful and the wedding was amazing! Audrey was such a gorgeous bride! It was great being with family, we celebrated Mom's 80th birthday and Mom and Dad's 62nd anniversary at a picnic the day after the wedding.

When we went to visit Bill's "Dad" at the Veteran's Home we were so pleased that he is doing better than we could ever have dreamed a year ago. There is another resident there (a female in assisted living) who has decided to adopt Dad and make sure he eats everything at every meal and that he gets to any activities that he can participate in etc. She is an angel in our eyes and I'm sure in Dad's eyes too.

We also were able to spend time with our nephew Michael who is doing a wonderful job managing his Mom's care. Norma is now in a nursing home with Hospice care. We got to spend some time with her at the hospital while we were there.

Also had lunch with Bill's cousin Albert, dinner with nephew's and nieces and their children, and the traditional visit to the Thai restaurant with Steve and Kathy.

All in all it was a wonderful trip with a safe and uneventful flight home.

My burns are pretty well healed and I'm waiting for the final tests (CAT scan and PET scan) to be scheduled. My biggest thrill this week is that I'm able to wear deodorant again!! It doesn't take much to make me happy these days.

I'll be reporting the results of my scans when they are available.

Blessings to all,
Sue

Final Radiation and Flight to St. Louis

This morning was my final radiation treatment for the rest of my life I hope! They told me that I would continue to "cook" for a week or so... so I should keep a close eye on my skin for additional burning. The Dr. gave me a prescription cream that is also used for severe burn victims, it seems to be helping more than just the neosporin did. My blisters are starting to heal and hopefully I won't develop any more. All in all I got through my 33 early morning rituals with no problems, if you know me you know I'm NOT a morning person, but I had to be for this so I could continue to work with as little interruption as possible. Now a few more Dr. visits for the final tests, scans, bloodwork etc. and I should be able to return to life as I knew it before March of this year.

I don't think I'll ever be totally the same as I was before as this experience has changed me profoundly, I will never be as casual about life, mine or anyone else's! At the same time I will never hold as tightly the things of life or even the people I love, they are a gift from God and ultimately they belong to Him, not me... I just praise Him for allowing me to have them in my life for a season, a beautiful season. Bill has been a rock through all of this and our love for each other has never been stronger or more fullfilling, so in a lot of ways cancer has blessed me.

On our flight to St. Louis we ran into very bad weather, I'm usually a real white knuckles flyer but I was very calm... in the midst of other passengers screaming and crying in fear and praying loudly for God to spare them. I was amazed at my own composure, I wanted to stand up and say "today was the final treatment for my cancer and the timing was such that I could just make it to my nieces wedding, God would not gotten me this far just to have me die in a plane crash, my family and friends have been praying for me for months, so we are definitely going to be OK!" I really was at total peace with a situation that even had the airline attendents clinging to their seats, when we landed the whole plane applauded and several people were crying. I don't mean to sound arogant about the fact that God would spare my life, I just felt very sure that I was in His hands no matter what and I know all the way down to my socks that God is in Control.

Whatever you do remember to count your blessings and focus on the good times of your life.

The tanning bed actually is the "Burning Bed!!"

Well, I’m almost done with my radiation treatments… only 4 more, and these are done with a lesser dose of radiation that is very specifically aimed at the incision site. Thank Goodness! What I jokingly referred to as the “tanning bed” has turned into the “burning bed” and I’m pretty “well done”, I should heal pretty quick now that I’m not getting blasted with such a high dose each day. I realized a little too late that I should have been putting the salve on the area under my arm as well as on my breast from the very beginning and I probably wouldn’t have gotten so burned, I didn’t notice that the radiation was effecting that area until it was pretty red. I have noticed being very tired, just as others had told me I would be, but otherwise I’ve held up well. Thanks to lots of prayers! I hope what I’ve learned from this experience will help others in the future who face this journey.

I’m looking forward to getting my life back to normal and hopefully having my energy level improve. We are leaving for St. Louis right after my final treatment, and I’m so excited about being there with my family. What a blessing they all are to me! We have lots of new babies in the family and I’m really looking forward to meeting them.

I’ll be reading the scripture at my niece’s wedding, it is really beautiful and is the same scripture used at her parents wedding over 25 years ago.

My devotional today was titled “Whose Way?” Proverbs 16:9 “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps”.

The popular song “My Way” is a perfectly good tune, but it’s not a good guide for life. If you’re looking for life’s perfect prescription, you’d better forget about doing things your way and concentrate on doing things God’s way.

At times, even when you’re trying to do God’s will, you may feel stumped and wonder, “What now, Lord?” But if you earnestly seek God’s will for your life, you will find it in time.

Sometimes God’s plans seem crystal clear; sometimes our vision is more cloudy; sometimes it’s just not the right time for Him to reveal His plan to us. So be patient, keep searching, and keep praying. If you trust the Lord to determine your steps, He will be faithful to guide you. And in time, He will answer your prayers and make His plans known – even if it’s only for the next step. Today do things His way, and you’ll be eternally glad that you did.

Nothing takes God by surprise
Everything is moving according to a plan,
And God wants you in that plan. Billy Graham

Blessings to you all!
Sue

Long time no post

Hi Everyone,

Sorry I've been absent so long. I'm doing really well and am trying to get back in the groove as much as possible. Today I began week 5 of radiation and I am feeling slightly sunburned but not too bad and the technician says I'm doing better than most at this stage. Keep praying I still have 13 more sessions in the "tanning bed"...

I'm so excited that I have a new Grandniece, Lilliana Clare born July 30, she is so beautiful and she has lots of very blond hair. Congratulations Ben and Nicole... good work! The sweater is for when she grows a bit and when the weather gets cooler. Hope she likes it.

I'm also busy getting ready for the 3rd annual women's retreat at our church. The theme this year is "God is in Control", pretty appropriate for me right about now. It is so exciting and amazing watching God's hand put all the pieces together as the retreat starts to take form. I was sort of concerned about being able to get it all done this year with my focus and stamina a bit inhibited... then I remembered I never do it... God does! All I have to do is listen and then follow His instructions and it will be wonderful.

The Power of Perspective

For most of us, life is busy and complicated. Amid the rush and crush of the daily grind, it's easy to lose perspective. But we must not let that happen. When our world seems to be spinning out of control, we must seek to regain a proper perspective by slowing down and turning our thoughts and prayers toward God.

Each morning, as we awaken to a new day - and to a new set of challenges - the pressures of everyday life can overtake our thoughts and our hearts if we let them. That's why we should consult the Creator early and often. When we do, He will touch our hearts, He will calm our fears, He will lift our spirits, and He will help us keep our challenges in perspective.

Would you like a daily dose of proper perspective? Then ask God. He will answer and help you to walk in His truth.

Teach me Your way, O Lord, I will walk in Your truth. Ps. 86:11
P.S. This verse just happens to be the theme for our Vacation Bible School taking place this week.

Please Pray

Dear Family and Friends,

As I head toward the end of my cancer treatment I am so grateful for all your prayers, they sure got me through the rough times. Lately it seems that so many are being stricken by serious illness and I would love to have your prayers for these dear people.

My dear friend Charlotte had breast cancer 5 years ago, she approached it bravely and aggressively and has done well for those 5 years. At a regular check up she was sent for a PET scan and they found a couple suspicious areas, 2 of which checked out OK, but she got the news last night that the cancer has returned in her spine. I am believing she will have victory over this and have talked to my radiologist and she agreed that she has seen miraculous things happen with this type of cancer. Please pray for Charlotte's healing with peace and assurance that God is in Control.

Bill's sister Norma had surgery a few weeks ago for colon cancer and they discovered that she also has stomach, lung and liver cancer, and is awaiting an appointment with the Dr.'s about how to proceed. Please pray for discernment as she goes through this difficult time of decisions about whether or not to have chemo.

Avery, 12 year old Great-nephew of my former sister-in-law Mary, recently diagnosed with Leukemia. He is a courageous and caring young man, he told the nurses he's glad this happened to him and not his little sisters! What an incredibly mature attitude! Please pray for his comfort as he goes through chemo and for a quick remission of this disease.

Scripture: Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” NIV

Sickness, financial complications, squabbling, anger, frustration and mistrust appear to be everywhere. But in the following poem by Lita Kurtzer we find encouragement and light at the end of the tunnel.

I refuse to be discouraged,

To be sad, or to cry;

I refuse to be downhearted,

and here's the reason why

I have a God who's mighty,

Who's sovereign and supreme;

I have a God who loves me,

and I am on His team.

He is all wise and powerful,

Jesus is His name;

Though everything is changeable,

My God remains the same.

My God knows all that's happening;

Beginning to the end,

His presence is my comfort,

He is my dearest friend.

When sickness comes to weaken me,

To bring my head down low,

I call upon my mighty God;

Into His arms I go.

When circumstances threaten

to rob me from my peace;

He draws me close unto His breast,

Where all my strivings cease.

And when my heart melts within me,

and weakness takes control;

He gathers me into His arms,

He soothes my heart and soul.

The great "I AM" is with me,

My life is in His hand,

The "Son of the Lord" is my hope,

It's in His strength I stand.

I refuse to be defeated,

My eyes are on my God;

He has promised to be with me,

as through this life I trod.

I'm looking past all my circumstances,

To Heaven's throne above;

My prayers have reached

the heart of God,

I'm resting in His love.

I give God thanks in everything,

My eyes are on His face;

The battle's His, the victory is mine;

He'll help me win the race.

Prayer: Father thank you that resting in your love the victory is mine no matter what my circumstances on planet earth. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen!

Back from Michigan

I can't believe it's been so long since I posted. My plans of posting while in Michigan were a bit ambitious... I was moving around so much I never got my computer online. It was a wonderful trip and I got to spend time with loved ones, meet my new niece Delphine (what a sweetie!), help Dale set up the computer that Grandpa built for him, attend my nephew Jack's wedding and even attended part of a worship conference! I'm exhausted but so glad I got to do it all. I slept like a baby in my sister's "magic bed", 8 hours without waking up!

I arrived home Monday night to start my radiation the very next morning and to have a follow up appt. with my oncologist. I thought it would just be routine but she was not happy with a few of my symptoms, so more tests etc. I'm not worried just weary of all the trips to the Dr. and various other places she is sending me to have tests done. She wants to follow up on the swollen leg I had 2 weeks ago, she still feels I'm retaining fluids, while being dehydrated on the inside however you do that... I don't know! She's also got me on an anti-biotic in case my digestive problems are related to any bug I might have picked up. I'm anxious to get back to work which got delayed because of all the tests and Dr. appts. which suddenly got scheduled the rest of this week. Hopefully I'll be able to work Thurs. afternoon and then next week I should be back to normal. Radiation is going fine so far and I met a lady there today who is finishing Friday and already has hair!! It's very short, thick and curly... so cute!

There's so many more details but I won't write about it all now, except to say that at the worship conference I was convicted and renewed about my responsibilities concerning the women's retreat this fall. When I returned home a book sent from an old friend was waiting for me "I Exalt You O GOD" by Jerry Bridges and it further confirmed what I heard from God at the conference, so Thank you Mary Voss! I will use it faithfully to draw near to God and prepare myself for the retreat, your timing was perfect! In the introduction of the book there was a small prayer that I will use to focus myself daily. Feel free to adopt it for yourself!

Lord, I am willing
To receive what You give;
To lack what You withhold;
To relinquish what You take;
To suffer what You inflict;
To be what You require...
And to do what You send me to do.

All tattoed for radiation

I got all set up for my radiation today, there were only a couple of snags, they had me scheduled to radiate my lymph nodes and my lymph nodes were benign, so that had to be corrected in my records and then they broke my mold right after I left and I had to rush back for them to make a new one before I left for Michigan because I start radiation the morning after I return.. I got lucky and my appt. each day will be 7:40am, so I can have my treatment and still get to work on time, work is close by. I'm really tired and I have to get packed so not much else to say other than I'm so happy that I'm going to see my family and friends! The radiologist told me today that my treatments were more important than family weddings and I told him he was dead wrong!! I don't think we'll have that discussion again. I'm not sure if I'll blog while I'm gone but I'll try. Despite all the obstacles God took care of everything, He always does!! Praise God!!

A hitch in the road

The last couple of days have been most challenging! Wednesday when I went for my re hydration treatment I pointed out to the chemo nurse that my left leg and ankle were very swollen and I asked if maybe I was retaining water. She said since only my left leg was swollen she wanted the Dr. to look at it before my treatment. By the way, they had already accessed my port and I was sitting with the needle sticking out of my arm. I waited 90 minutes to see the Dr. since my regular Dr. was not at that office on Weds. He took a quick look and decided I needed to have an ultra sound to determine if I had a blood clot, that scared me! I had to wait another 2 hours before I could get into radiology at the hospital for my ultra sound, it came back clear and I was very relieved and grateful to God yet another time for protecting me from harm. Obviously after all this I didn’t get my re hydration / flushing treatment, I did get the shot to boost my white cells. I really wasn’t sure how my body was going to react to not having the re hydration because on Weds. I felt fine. Bill even insisted that we go for a nice long walk Weds. evening as he believed the swelling was because I haven’t been getting enough exercise, I was able to walk about 50 minutes and eat dinner without any problems. It didn’t take long to realize how valuable that treatment is, I had a pretty rough night with my sleep interrupted about every 45 minutes, I got up and managed to drag myself to work, I was relieved that the swelling seemed to be gone. I lasted about 5 hours and decided to head home, I was more nauseated than I’ve been after the other chemo treatments and just generally miserable. I believe when I got my re hydration the other times they also put some anti-nausea meds in the drip and that made a big difference. I was sure glad that Bill was home on Friday (4^th of July), we had the boys and they were really understanding that Gramma couldn’t do much, we read stories and played cards. Grampa fixed up a computer for them to play games on and they were pretty happy. Later this afternoon we went to the mall to try to walk, I didn’t make it very far, but at least we gave it a try. I finally was able to eat something and I feel somewhat better this evening, thank you Lord!! I’m keeping my eyes on the goal of going to Michigan next week and I’ll just concentrate on getting better each day.

A Hug of Comfort: “A suffering woman sought healing in an unusual way, she simply touched the hem of Jesus’ garment. When she did, Jesus turned and said, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” Matt 9:22

We, too, can be made whole when we place our faith in the Creator of the universe. So strengthen your faith through praise, through worship, through Bible study, and through prayer. Then trust God’s plans, knowing they are always for your ultimate benefit.

Jesus is standing at the door of your heart, knocking. If you open the door of your heart and invite Him in, He will give you peace and heal your broken spirit. Have faith enough to reach out to touch even the smallest fragment of the Master’s garment and He will make you whole.

#4 is History!!

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been hard waiting for this last treatment, so many people had commented that I'd never get through all the treatments without any delays (low blood counts). I hadn't thought much about it because I've been doing so great, but because of my trip to Detroit hanging in the balance... I was a wee bit worried.

I am constantly amazed at how good God has been to me through this entire process and I am acutely aware of the gift of grace that is, I am so humbled by all He has done for me and SO GRATEFUL!!

When I got to the Dr. today she said my counts were pretty borderline (I'm very anemic), she gave me a shot to boost my red cells and said we could proceed with the chemo. YES!! This was sort of weird because she's been giving me shots to boost my white cells all along and now my red cells were low. Don't understand exactly why, I guess it's a delicate balance. Dr. told me to double my vitamins and eat more red meat and maybe even some liver... just until my iron improves. I'm so relieved that I'll be able to go on my trip to Detroit next week. Thank You Lord!!!

Have a Hug... "Even if you're a confident person, you may sometimes be discouraged by the disappointments and setbacks that are part and parcel of life here on earth. When times are good, it's easy to trust God, but when troubles arise, we may lose the proper perspective and, subsequently, hope. However, if we trust God's promises, we need never fear.

If your courage is being tested today, (and mine certainly was!), lean on God's promises (and I did!!) Trust the Creator of the universe to help you meet your challenges. Remember that God is always near and that He is your protector and deliverer. When you're worried, anxious or afraid, call on Him and accept the comforting touch of His hand. God is in control, and He rules with limitless wisdom and love -- now and forever."

Crab Legs are Medicinal!

My experience after my third chemo has been similar to the first two. I do have to admit that I was a bit more tired for a few more days after the treatment, but nothing too extreme. I really had to be careful what I ate or I'd be stuck at home (near the bathroom) and that was not fun!

I'm ashamed to admit that I began to worry a few days ago about the possibility that I wouldn't be allowed to have my last chemo on schedule, which would totally mess up being able to attend my nephews wedding in Detroit on July 12th. So I remembered a hint that I picked up from a former chemo patient, she told me she was delayed one time from having her treatment and her private nurse took her home and "stuffed" her with crab legs and strawberries, she was able to have her chemo the next day!

Well, it was a big sacrifice on my part to "have" to eat crab legs and strawberries since they are only my third and fourth favorite foods (shrimp and chocolate being first and second, not sure in which order!) But, I forced myself to eat almost a pound of each on Saturday. I may even repeat this ritual on Monday for good measure.

All in all it's been a pretty good week with my energy rising each day to the point that I was able to keep up my hours at work and clean my house on Saturday before I had my medicinal feast!

Well, maybe it wasn't totally a lost weekend

My dear sweet husband informed me that during my "lost weekend" I knit a dog sweater for the class I'm going to teach at the library this fall, I read an entire novel, I hemmed 2 pairs of pants and fixed the tear in my Grandson's bathing suit, babysat my Grandson's all day Friday, which included a trip to the grocery store and MacDonalds (where I dropped my cell phone in the toilet!) We baked cookies and did 2 loads of laundry Friday afternoon, I cooked dinner on Friday night. I went to my digital scrapbooking class Saturday AM, went to church on Sunday and then insisted that we walk around Costco for about 45 minutes to get some exercise and then finally consented to take a nap. However, I didn't clean my house one bit! I guess that's why it seemed like I didn't do anything productive. I should have lots more energy this coming weekend, so maybe I can catch up (if Bill will let me.)

Lost Weekend

I’m coming up for air… after what felt like a “lost weekend” Lots of rest and recuperation time (enforced by Bill), he made sure I took care of and paced myself. Fatigue was my biggest obstacle, along with “tin can” dry mouth (a mouthwash called Biotene really helps), blurry vision and a few digestive problems I won’t elaborate on. I did get to do one fun thing Saturday morning before I hit the wall... I attended a digital scrapbooking training and learned a lot more about publishing storybooks. I'm still planning on doing a storybook about my journey with breast cancer, so watch out I may want to take your picture! I'm trying to get the courage to publish my picture without the wig.. I'm almost there. My Grandsons tell me they think my bald head is cute, they like to rub it! Aren't Grandkids wonderful!!

Today I feel great for various reasons, I got the determination from the insurance this morning that they are going to cover my medical bills related to my breast cancer. PRAISE GOD!!!

I’m ready to go back to work and I feel almost normal again. Only 1 more chemo treatment and I know I can do it! Then, 33 radiation treatments. The timing of everything is almost split second in order for me to attend 2 family weddings this summer, one in Detroit July 12^th and the other in St. Louis August 30^th I still haven’t gotten my airline tickets because it all depends on the last chemo happening exactly on July 1^st which will allow me to fly to Detroit before my radiation starts July 15^th so it will end August 28^th just in time to fly to St. Louis. I’m so glad that God is in control, his timing is perfect!

This is the Hug I read on Friday and it really helped me get through this last weekend, I hope it speaks to you too.

“The demands of daily life can drain us of our strength and rob us of the joy God intends for His children. When we find ourselves tired, discouraged, or worse, there is a source from which we can draw the power needed to recharge our spiritual batteries. That source is God.

God wants His children to lead joyous lives filled with spiritual abundance and peace. But sometimes those blessings can seem elusive. It is then that we must turn to God for renewal; and when we do, He will restore us.

God expects us to work hard, but He also intends for us to rest. When we fail to take the rest we need, we do a disservice to ourselves and those around us.

Is your spiritual battery running low? Is your energy on the wane? Are your emotions frayed? If so, turn to God and accept the rest and recharging only He can offer.”

Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

3 down and 1 to Go!

I successfully made it through another round of chemo and re hydration process. I'm having much the same reaction as the first 2 times. Right now I feel pretty energized, in fact only slept about 3 hours last night and hasn't seemed to slow me down a bit. I had a full day today, worked this morning, went for my re hydration and white cell booster shot, ran over to the knit shop and stayed about an hour knitting with the girls. Other customers have asked to connect with me when they hear my story and are newly diagnosed... I knew God would use this experience to reach out to others and they are coming out of the woodwork. I feel like I should have business cards printed, Have cancer? Call Sue. I dropped off my prescriptions, went to the American Cancer Society meeting on Look Good, Feel Great, it was really fun and they gave me a beautiful kit of very nice makeup! They said go home and throw all your old stuff out, it's full of germs. I had just told Bill that I needed to clean out and organize my makeup. I probably have some that is 10 years old just hanging around in a box labeled extra make up. I should probably just pitch it without even looking in the box, I'm such a pack rat!! Picked up my prescriptions and was home by 9PM. Tomorrow I'll be working all day, starting early with a going away party for a co-worker who will be greatly missed. Pray I have the energy until tomorrow night and then I can collapse for the weekend. I'm usually good until Friday and then the fatigue hits me. I have the Grandkids all day Friday but I have some games and activities planned, we're going to do a magic show.... I got a couple of neat kid magic tricks books, it's nice that they are old enough to read themselves, and they can entertain me! We're also going to make ice cream and of course play cards and Yatzee. Saturday I have a digital scrapbooking workshop to attend in the morning and then I think I'll take a nap. As you can see I really don't have time to be sick.

Romans 13:13-14 We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight... Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (This is from "The Message" version of the Bible). Might want to look it up in another version.

Hug: First things first "These words are easy to speak but hard to put into practice. Why? Because so many people are expecting so many things from us! If you're having trouble prioritizing your day, perhaps you've been trying to organize your life according to your own plans, not God's. A better strategy is to take your daily obligations and place them in the hands of the One who created you. To do so, you must prioritize your day according to God's commandments, and you must seek His will and His wisdom in all matters. Then you can face the day with the assurance that the same God who created our universe out of nothingness will help you put first things first in your own life.

Have you ever forgotten to go to work???

It's been a pretty good week, other than the fact that I had a huge episode of chemo brain last Tuesday and forgot to go to go back to work after lunch! Then it took me 2 days to even realize that I'd done that, trust me that really scared me! I now have reminders about EVERYTHING plastered all over the place, in addition to all my pop up reminders on my computer. Bless my boss and co-workers for being so understanding.

Other than that I've been feeling well and have not been as fatigued the past several days. I find that when I'm really stressed the confusion gets much worse, so I'm trying really hard not to let myself get too wound up.

Several people who have walked this road have told me it's not the disease or even the treatment for the disease... it's all the insurance red tape! I'm finding that out first hand. Bill says "God gave us money and if he chooses to take it away He has a good reason or He plans to somehow replace whatever we may lose and that I"m worth all we own." Wish I could be as relaxed as he is about this, but I'm getting better just being around him and listening to his thoughts on all of this.

I know that I did not have a pre-existing condition and I'm trusting God to work it all out. But, as usual I want Him to do it NOW! Do you think there's a lesson in patience somewhere in all of this for me? AGAIN!! It would be so much easier if I'd learn these lessons the first time.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, the God of my strength, in whom I will trust. 2 Samuel 22: 2-3

Here's your HUG... You know firsthand that life isn't always easy. But as a recipient of God's blessings, you also know that throughout your life you have been protected by a loving, heavenly Father. And He is still protecting you.

In times of trouble, God is neither distant nor disinterested. To the contrary, God is always present and always engaged in the events of your life. Reach out to Him, and build your future on the Rock, that cannot be shaken; trust in God and rely upon His promises. He can provide everything you really need.... and much, much more. All you need do is open your arms and your heart to Him. Then let Him do the rest.

As you can well imagine I needed this message much more than any of you!

Next chemo on Tuesday. I have lots of things that I want to do this week, so pray that I use good judgment about my limitations.

Insurance Woes

I just talked to our insurance company and because there was a lapse in time between our former insurance and this one, they are claiming I have a pre-existing condition. This could mean we would be responsible for thousands of dollars in medical bills. They are reviewing my health questionnaire to make a decision. Please pray!

2 down and 2 to go

It's Sunday evening and I made it through the weekend without too much problem, just very tired and of course the ever present chemo brain. It takes me about 4 times longer to do anything because I just can't seem to stay focused. Bill made sure that I took it easy and got lots of rest, I'm so sick of resting... I want to do something!! So I spent much of the time cleaning off my desk, that's where everything important lands... whatever it is I know that sooner or later I'll find it and take the necessary action (and it's all Bill would let me do.) Got all my medical stuff put into a binder in chronological order, yikes there were a lot of papers!! Got my Creative Memories order all checked in and paid the bills, so I guess I should feel accomplished.

Haven't felt much like eating this weekend, I have that weird taste in my mouth again. I've been trying to eat "good" things when I do eat. Anything from the cabbage family, beets and I just discovered Red Delicious Apples are supposed to be super for cancer patients. I did have to have some ice cream last night, probably not the best thing but it sounded so good... I was so tired I could barely stay awake and Bill was spoon feeding me ice cream! What a guy!!

The wig is really pretty, but not all that comfortable.. especially in the heat, I wear it as much as I can stand it and then off it goes. I guess I'll need to get the hang of tying scarves. I have 2 little chemo hats that I can wear around the house if my head gets cold.

I had my 3 Grandsons here on Friday and they also took very good care of me, they made sure I drank lots of Gatorade and they read me stories (the same ones I've read them for years). We did a few simple experiments, (that's their favorite thing to do), played cards (they always win) and Monopoly (I won!). The biggest thing on Friday was that I got the storybook that I've been putting together for my Grandson Dale done and uploaded to be published! It's about his many skateboarding adventures, I had over 300 pictures of his stunts. My Grandson Daniel helped me label the tricks appropriately and I added some trivia too. I'm so happy to have that done, it was a very important goal I had set for myself.

I took the "Ativan" at night and it really did help me sleep. All in all, I'm doing pretty good. Look forward to going to work tomorrow and getting back into a "normal" routine. I should be over the majority of the fatigue... until the next chemo on June 17th.

Today's HUG: Life is a team sport, and all of us need occasional pats on the back from our teammates.

Whether you realize it or not, many people with whom you come in contact every day are in desperate need of a hug or a smile or an encouraging word. The world can be a difficult place, and we all have friends and family members who may be troubled by the challenges of everyday life. Since we don't always know who needs our help, the best strategy is to try to encourage all the people who cross our path.

I don't know what I'd do without all the encouragement I've received from all of you!

Today, do yourself and your friends a favor, be a world-class source of encouragement to everyone you meet. Never has the need been greater.

Chemo, Re hydration and New Hair Report

I waited until this evening to write because so much happened the last 2 days and I wanted to report about all of it at once. Yesterday I had my second chemo treatment and it went really well, they said my blood cells were great. It seemed to take a little longer for the drip, but I was happily knitting and listening to my praise music, Ray Boltz, "The Concert of a Lifetime" my favorite song on this CD is "The Anchor Holds" and I'm here to testify that it does!!

Both my Dr. and her nurse, Sharon attribute my relatively smooth journey to my positive attitude, I keep telling them it's my faith in God. What a wonderful opportunity and gift it is to tell people about how good God is. My only problem last night was not being able to sleep, which is what happened after the first chemo for about 3 nights. The nurse told me to take an "Ativan" which was prescribed for nausea but also had a slight sedative effect, so I'll try that tonight. I asked her if it was OK to take it when I'm not nauseous and she said it's a very low dose so that would be fine. When I can't sleep God always puts prayer requests on my heart so the time is not wasted and last night I had such a feeling of urgency to pray for one of my co-workers at the library, her name is Kathy and she is in ICU with a very serious illness, if you can please add her to your prayer list. Today even with the lack of sleep I felt really good, I went to work this morning and I think I was even productive!! Worked till noon and then went for my rre hydrationand shot to keep up white cells built up. Everything went like clockwork.

I met this really dear lady who has not been as fortunate as I with her cancer and her chemo. She's in stage 4 colon cancer, they told her she'd probably had it for 10 years and only just recently had symptoms, (so go and have your colon checked!!!) she's had her surgery and started chemo, she did really well with the first drug they tried until the second round and it gave her an allergic reaction that put her into respiratory distress and she had to be hospitalized, now this week they tried another drug and she has been so sick and is so dehydrated that she has to be hospitalized again. I felt so bad for her, her name is Linda. I hope to see her again so I can try to encourage her. I feel so blessed that my journey has been guided and covered by the grace of God. Then the big event of the day, I lost all my hair in one fell swoop. I thought as prepared as I had been I might still have an emotional reaction, and I did.... I laughed! Hey, it beats crying and I really did look ridiculous. I really was OK with it and when I got my wig on and had it trimmed I felt like a million bucks! If you ever need a wig you must go to Vicki Roney in Henderson, she is fantastic!! I'm so happy with it that I had Bill snap my picture and it's attached. I even have my new library shirt on that also arrived today... life is good!! Yes, for all of you who have advised this, I promise to pace myself this weekend. But, I will be strutting my wig. Of course I have a HUG for you today, did you think I'd forget? "In light of God's many and wonderful promises, you have every reason to live courageously. He promises to protect you today and forever. God's Word promises that His love for you is never ending. Isaiah 41:10. But even as a person who trusts God's promises, on some days you may find your courage tested by various disappointments and fears. When you're worried about the challenges of today or the uncertainties of tomorrow, pause and ask yourself whether you're ready to surrender you concerns and place your life in God's all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving hands. If the answer to that question is yes, then you can draw courage today from the source of strength that never fails, your heavenly Father.

2nd Chemo tomorrow

It’s been a pretty good week, especially the last 3 days! I actually was able to clean house, cook and work on some of my hobbies. We also got our taxes completed… something that got put on the back burner when all this began 2 1/2 months ago! I had totally forgotten about it and Bill had not mentioned it to me because he figured I had enough to worry about, but he finally had to because I was the one who had done all the accounting for our personal stuff and he didn’t have a clue how to pull it all together. So, yesterday in a few rare moments of lucidity I was able to complete everything and get it sent off, the lucky part was that the last time I had worked on it I had it almost completed.

You don’t realize how important the everyday things of life are until you just can’t do them.

I only had minor irritations to deal with this week, nothing major. I had an unexplainable dizzy spell at work, but it passed without incident (except to scare my dear co-worker Kathy half to death). I am still having issues with not being able to focus well, and now that includes my eyes as well as my brain! It is somewhat frustrating to say the least. Overall I feel very blessed to have weathered this as well as I have so far. Tomorrow is my 2^nd chemo treatment… I’ll be half way done, YEAH!! The big challenge this week is I have to say goodbye to my hair…only for now as I have been assured it will grow back better than ever. I get my wig on Wednesday, Vicki Roney at Liaisons Salon is cutting and styling it for me and she is wonderful! Just think, no bad hair days for the next several months!

Please keep Bill in your prayers, people are starting to tell me that I look better than he does. He is an incredible caregiver and I know it is not easy for him to see me go through various stages of this journey, also his sister was rushed to the hospital yesterday with possible kidney failure.

My HUG for you: We live in a world that seems to invite panic. Everywhere we turn, we’re confronted with disturbing images that seem to cry out, “All is lost.” But with God, there’s always hope.

God enables us, indeed calls us, to live above anxiety. He created us to live by faith, not by fear. He instructs us to trust Him completely, this day and forever. But sometimes trusting God feels difficult, especially when we get caught up in the incessant demands and worries of an anxious world.

When you feel anxious – turn your thoughts to God and remember His love. Take your concerns to Him in prayer and, to the best of your ability, leave them there. God is capable of handling any problem you turn over to Him, and He has promised to comfort and help you, if you’ll just trust Him.

Back from Sedona

I have been doing so well since my chemo started and I think I believed that it wouldn't slow me down a bit. Well, I'm here to tell you that I am NOT super woman. I really overdid it on Friday running errands, cleaning house, doing a digital workshop for scrapbooking and getting ready for our trip and it took me a day and a half to recover!

I slept most of the way to Flagstaff on Saturday, it was very cloudy, rainy and unseasonably cold... it seemed like a very long trip, I didn't knit or read in the car, and was sound asleep in the hotel room before 8 pm, all of which is very out of character for me. I didn't exactly have a restful night's sleep, I was awake about every 90 minutes, not sure why,,, I wasn't exactly sick, just felt very weird and achy, had this terrible taste in my mouth and couldn't stay asleep, but didn't have enough energy to hold my head up.

We had a picnic of fruit, cheese and pretzels in our bed at 2 am, because until then I didn't feel like eating, things are starting to taste very strange.

I could barely get myself out of bed the next morning... I finally came out of the fog and was sort of back to normal around 10 o'clock Sunday morning.

We drove down to Sedona and had a wonderful day taking in all the breathtaking scenery. We found this charming European Deli and I had Borscht for the first time,(beets are supposed to be really good for cancer patients), it was yummy! We hiked a little, but not as much as I had hoped, Bill is being extremely protective, he wasn't about to let me overdo it again and he was especially concerned about me injuring myself when my immunity is down.

I feel back to normal today, but I will definitely have to learn to pace myself. Hope this wasn't too boring but I'm trying to document as much as I can about this journey. The crazy thing that happened was I lost a contact lens, not sure when or how.. all of a sudden it just wasn't there.

My "Hug" for today is: "Sometimes the future seems bright... and sometimes it doesn't. Yet even when we cannot see the possibilities of tomorrow, God can. Our challenge, then, is to trust an uncertain future to an all-powerful God.

When we trust God, we should trust Him without reservation. We should steel ourselves against the various disappointments of the day, secure in the knowledge that our heavenly Father has a plan for the future that only He can see but that is for our good."

We got home safe and sound... Thank You Lord!!!

Day after 1st Chemo

I went to work this morning and felt great, actually very energized! I love my job and actually got some stuff done today, seemed to be able to focus a little better than I have been.

Had a 1 o'clock appointment for the day after chemo flushing process. This is to clean some of the toxins out of your kidneys, rehydrate you and I also had a shot to build up my white cells (ouch, it stung) but it's worth it! It was also a bit of a challenge when they pulled the VERY large needle out of my port, it had been in for over 24 hours so it was pretty well attached.

I'm feeling very well cared for and supported by all, I'm sure my success in this whole process will be due to all of you more than anything I do. I am trying to eat very health things... not counting the chocolate they give me at the chemo lounge! So far no side effects, although I was informed that I may wake up tomorrow feeling like I'm coming down with the flu... from the shot, it has a tendency to make your bones achy. I have my learn and play storytime tomorrow and I fully intend to be there, then I have off until next Tuesday. Bill is taking me to Sedona for a 3 day respite and some sight seeing. I can't wait!

This morning in my Hugs devotional it talked about finding time to praise God and thanking Him for all He has done. Every time you notice a gift from the Giver of good things, praise Him. His works are marvelous! His gifts are bountiful, and His love endures forever... I am living proof of all these things!

I will close with this beautiful quote from Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, who along with her husband were missionaries in Japan and China from 1901 to 1917.

"Two wings are necessary to lift our souls toward God: prayer and praise.
Prayer asks. Praise accepts the answer."

May I always do this no matter what the circumstances.

Blessings,
Sue

After 1st Chemo

Just wanted to let you know I feel great! I'm going to go to bed early and try to be wise about getting enough rest etc., hoping to go to work tomorrow morning.

Concerning today when I arrived for my appointment, first a checkup with my wonderful oncologist Dr. Ann Wierman, (she always thoroughly looks me over at every visit) then she answered all my questions (she is always so patient and so informative about everything I ask). She also always slips in a few plugs for exercise, proper rest, staying hydrated etc.... then they put the VERY large needle in my port... it didn't hurt much, they gave me a anti nausea medication first and waited 30 minutes and then started the chemo.

I was busy knitting the whole time... well actually at the very end I took a little nap, guess that shows how relaxed I was! The hardest part for me was sitting still that long. It went really well and tomorrow I'll be back for them to flush out my kidneys, rehydrate me, and I'll also get a shot to build up my white cells. The nurse told me that Dr. Wierman is the only Dr. she knows of that does this day after chemo flushing process, it really helps you not get sick.

They gave me 5 prescriptions, I was shocked... so much medicine for someone who only takes vitamins and herbal supplements. Only 2 of them are mandatory and the other 3 are in case I need them for nausea, I guess different people do better on different meds for the nausea and she wants me to have them all on hand to try them all if and/or when needed to see what works best for me.

Dr. Wierman doesn't see any reason why you should be sick during chemo, she also gave me a prescription for a wig and I already had a referral from Jane at the Breast Center to see Vicky Roney at Liaisons Salon & Spa right after my chemo. Vicky was so helpful, she helped me try on several wigs and we narrowed it down to basically 2 styles that she'll order in my color for the final decision.

She explained so much to me about how my hair loss was going to happen, etc. She set my next appointment for when my hair will most likely be ready to start falling out and she will shave my head so I don't have to go around looking like I'm half way scalped and I won't have to go through the emotional trauma of watching it gradually happen. I'll just get a shave and put my new "styled just for me wig" on and walk out looking better than when I walked in! Isn't that great!

When I got home my "prince charming" was anxiously waiting to see how I was doing. I think he was a bit amazed by how well I felt and that I wanted to eat dinner, not sure how long my appetite will last so I thought I'd better take advantage of it while I could.

I'll report more tomorrow after my flushing procedure. That should go pretty quick as they left the needle in my port to save me a stick and they will remove it after tomorrow's treatment. Pray I don't roll over on the needle in my sleep, they assured me if I did I'd wake up!

First Chemo

I got a good night's sleep and woke up this morning feeling great. I'm very optimistic about my chemo and after I read my 2 devotionals this morning I'm feeling even more so.

In "Hugs" I read "Are you willing to keep fighting the good fight even when you meet with difficulties? If you'll decide to press on through temporary setbacks, you may be pleasantly surprised at the creative ways God finds to help you."

In "Our Daily Bread" the devotional today was written by Joe Stowell one of my favorite writers and he always touches my heart... "If we trust earthly doctors to help us, how much more should we be willing to trust God, the Great Physician, to reset our broken lives "to be conformed to the image of His Son" Rom. 8:29. One of God's purposes in pain is to brand the image of Jesus in our hearts. Can we weep with those who weep? God may stain our cheeks with our own tears so that we can genuinely empathize with others as Jesus did. Are we self-sufficient? God may need to strip away our security to conform us to the God-sufficiency that Christ displayed. Are we faithless? It may require a tragedy to teach us to trust the Father as Jesus did. Life's fractures can be mended by faith in Christ the Lord.

As first the pain but then the gain
And usefulness restored - Hess

God's purpose in pain is to brand His image in our hearts. So in that frame of mind I go today to my first treatment, I'm not going alone!

Port installed and ready

This morning some dear friends, Bud and Joan Carroll took me to have my port installed for my chemo treatments that will start on Tuesday, I kept wondering why I couldn't do this by myself (because I didn't know they were going to knock me out for this procedure), so I was very glad to have a ride. They gave me "twilight" and it is wonderful, you wake up very alert and feeling great. I didn't feel a thing and even now about 8 hours later I have no pain, I do have one whopper of a bruise... but it doesn't hurt. I'm supposed to keep ice on it and keep my arm up, which obviously I'm not doing at the moment.

I promise I'll do it as soon as I send this. God continues to speak to me and give me His peace throughout this process. My devotional reading this morning from the book "Hugs" that my sister Kathy sent me was so perfect and just what I needed to hear before going for this kind of scary procedure... I hope it blesses you too.

God's Will for You
As human beings with limited understanding we can never fully comprehend the will of God. But as believers in a benevolent God, we must always trust the will of our heavenly Father. Before His crucifixion, Jesus went to the Mount of Olives and poured out His heart to God (see Luke 22:41-44). Jesus knew that He was about to suffer agony and death, but He also know that God's will must be done. In our own lives, we will face trials that bring fear and trembling to the very depths of our souls. But like Jesus we too, must seek God's will, not our own. Today, seek God's will for your life, and trust His promises. When you do, you will be blessed today, tomorrow, for every day of your life... and for eternity.

Life isn't life without some divine decisions that our mortal minds simply cannot comprehend. Beth Moore

God's decision

I know that some of you are very concerned about the subject of my chemotherapy but God has decided that I need it. I feel at peace with God's decision and will start my 4 rounds of chemo next Tuesday.

Each round will be followed the next day by a flushing of the chemo from my system. I have never heard of this before but this is the way that my oncologist does it. I will probably lose my hair around the third treatment, so I may be wig shopping soon.

Dr. Weirman, my oncologist tells me that she will do everything possible to keep me as healthy as possible throughout the process. She held my hands, looked into my eyes and told me that she would do the same treatment for anyone in her family... including herself, I trust her and thank God that He directed me to her. She wants me to walk everyday, drink lots of water, eat right and get plenty of rest at night, she believes I should be able to keep up with my normal routine and hopefully not miss much work.

Dr. Weirman is now on my insurance... Praise God!

My cancer was quite aggressive and I really don't want to tangle with it again if I can avoid it. On Friday I will have a port installed so that I don't have to be poked with needles at each of my treatments, it is usually very hard for anyone to find a vein on me without several tries and that is very painful.

When my chemo is done I will have about a month break and my radiation will begin. I appreciate all the prayers and support you have given me thus far. Please keep me in your prayers throughout this process.

Chemo or Not?

I find out today whether or not I will have to have any chemo treatments.

I have put it in God's hands after much struggle to do it my way, He has taken care of me through all of this and I have no reason to think He will stop now, He sees the bigger picture and I have to trust in Him. This is way too big of a decision to try to make myself.

If I'm in the high risk percentage for my cancer reoccurring I will automatically need chemo, if I'm in the very low percentage I will just have radiation and the pill Femera for 5 years.

It's if I'm in the in between percentage that is questionable... then the tailoRX study that I'm enrolled in will assign me for chemo or not by random.

I know that nothing is random when you put it in God's hands. I feel totally at peace now that I've put the outcome with God.

I will be letting you all know later today what He has decided.

My first race for the cure

We just returned from the walk, and I'm sitting down not only to write to all of you but because I'm too tired to stand up!

This was our first time participating in the Race for the Cure and the funny part is that when we originally registered I had no idea that I would be walking as a survivor!!

I proudly wore my PINK shirt and hat, they even gave me a pink pom-pom to wave. You could either do a 1 mile fun walk or the 5K walk/run, but if you add in the walk from where we parked and all the wandering around to find where we needed to be it was probably twice that far.

We toured the incredible mammovan from Nevada Health Centers, (this is where Bill works) it has the latest equipment for doing digital mammograms and it travels all over the state, even to the most remove areas to give women access to free or if they are able to pay very affordable mammograms.

This was a fun and inspiring experience, if you've never participated in a race for the cure walk/run, you should try it at your earliest convenience.

Now I'm going to take a nap

Pathology Results

ALL GOOD!!! CLEAR MARGINS!!! NO LYMPH NODE INVOLVEMENT!!!

Can you see me doing the happy dance?

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!!

I'm still numb and I can't stop smiling. Thanks for all the prayers guys, I know that made the difference. I still have to go through the radiation (as a precaution) so don't stop praying, but I'm sure that will go smooth too.

I see the Oncologist tomorrow to be enrolled in the TailoRX study, this will determine if my tumor was a type that could likely come back somewhere else in my body and the percentage chance of that.

I could go on and on but I know several of you are waiting to hear the news.